In a conflict, I’ve found cursing makes a bad situation worse. There is a big emotional difference between “Why do you always have to do that?” and “what do you always have to f****ng do that?” Curse words are harsh. They can be hateful. They add a nasty edge onto whatever you’re saying. Better to
It’s a simple fact of human nature: when we’re being yelled at, we don’t hear. To be yelled at is to be attacked. When attacked, we defend, shut down, or counter-attack. Yelling is not only ineffective for expressing a point, it makes the situation worse. You could be telling someone the location of a hidden treasure
“Don’t go to bed angry”. It’s a nice sentiment. It’s also highly unrealistic. There is a big need for forgiveness and moving on. But the timetable for that process should not be dictated by the sun. When people are angry, they go through a process. You’ve got to cool down. You need to think about
If you’ve ever taken an introduction to Psychology class, you’ll remember positive and negative reinforcement. With positive reinforcement we reward the right behavior. With negative reinforcement, we punish the wrong behavior. Guess which works better in human relationships? Like many men, I used to have a problem putting the toilet seat down. I could never
I’ve come to value “being happy” over “being right”. First off, when it comes to human relationships, there is no such thing as absolute truth. Each person has their own version of “right” and good luck trying to convince someone that your truth is better. I used to spend a lot of time telling people they
I’ll cut to the chase on this one: Don’t write down anything you don’t want anyone and everyone to read. It’s really simple. Emails and texts can be forwarded. Print outs can be scanned and shared. Pictures can be taken and transmitted. Pieces of those things can be taken out of context. These things can
If you’re in a relationship, your significant other (hopefully) has their own life. Their friends. Their coworkers. Their family. Undoubtedly their relationships with those other people will encounter some issues. A fight with a friend. A situation at work. Some conflict with a family member. If you became intimately aware of the details you would
When I first got together with the Boss, I thought we had a finite list of “issues” we’d work through. I assumed over the course of our relationship, we’d come to know each other better, learn how to communicate better, and each year things would get better and better until one day we would “arrive”
Years ago the Boss and I were driving from Knoxville Tennessee to New York City. Somewhere in Virginia, I got pulled over and received a punishing speeding ticket. She had all sorts of emotions I didn’t expect. First was a mix of shock, fear, and embarrassment. Surprisingly, that was the first time she had ever
This one isn’t “advice to a younger me”. It’s quite likely my Dad was explicit with this lesson and I like to think I’ve always come correct on this topic. But if I could go back in time, I’d have this conversation anyway to be damn sure I learned it. This one is for my