No Means No

Adulting, Essential 0 Comments

This one isn’t “advice to a younger me”. It’s quite likely my Dad was explicit with this lesson and I like to think I’ve always come correct on this topic. But if I could go back in time, I’d have this conversation anyway to be damn sure I learned it. This one is for my little boys.

If you want to put the moves on someone, for example a lady you are interested in, you need to be EXTREMELY CERTAIN that they are into it. Certain to the point of it being corny and ruining the moment.  Let’s get very specific:

Communicate Verbally – You need to use words and ask if what you’re doing is cool, and you should double-check, and re-verify as needed as things play out.

The Clock Resets – Just because she was down once doesn’t mean you’ve got an unlimited pass from that point forward. Doesn’t matter what happened this morning. This afternoon is a new dawn. Check again, and again, and again, until you are told it’s not necessary, and accept that statement very cautiously.

Keep Your Eyes Open – There are lots of ways to say “no”. Words are one way. Body language says a lot more in this case. Learn that language and pay very very close attention to it. Err on the side of caution.

Baby It’s NOT Cold Outside – Getting intimate shouldn’t require any convincing. She’s either into it immediately, or not. If you apply pressure of any sort (jokes, pleading, guilt, coercion, persistence) you are dangerously out of line

Minds Change – If you got the green light, know that she can change her mind at any minute for any reason. The minute the light turns yellow, stop what you are doing. The light changing is NOT negotiable or open for discussion.

Not Just You – If you see someone else violating these rules, it is your responsibility to stop it up the threshold of putting your life in danger. No friendship, job, or material possession is worth violating your sacred human duty in this regard. If it comes to it, some amount of physical harm to you is worth it if you can protect someone from sexual assault. This applies regardless of  who the victim is or how you feel about them. If you see this happening and do nothing, you are complicit.

If you violate any of these rules unconsciously, you have failed dangerously as a human being. If you do so deliberately, you are straight-up evil in the most heinous, disgusting, unforgiving way. If hell exists, I hope you burn in it.

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