I’m better than I used to be, but I don’t do my fair share. She cooks more. She does more for the kids. She does more errands. For most of our marriage, she did more laundry and cleaning.
I don’t intentionally leave it to her to do more work. I recognize that I absolutely should be doing my fair share. I’m just lazy. I procrastinate. I deal with things when they have to be dealt with. And I’m willing to live with more mess, risk, debt, and overall lower life quality. I’m not particularly proud of that, but it doesn’t keep me up at night.
What does keep me up at night is an unhappy wife. It’s not that I don’t want to deal with her being unhappy. I don’t want her to feel unhappy. I love her.
What is my solution to this imbalance of effort? It’s pretty simple:
Do whatever she asks me, right away, without complaint
Don’t get me wrong. I do put effort into consistently doing more, and doing things without being asked. But that’s really hard. It goes against my slacker nature.
Some people may shudder at the thought of being constantly “on call”. But it’s perfect for four reasons:
- I don’t end up doing more work, I just end up doing it at a much more optimized time, when it’s actually needed.
- I don’t bake. There is nothing I do in my free time that can’t be paused or put down for a few minutes.
- There is almost no need for me to remember something, and it’s unlikely I’ll do the wrong thing
- It makes her happy
I realize this is stereotypical, but I know a lot of dudes married to ladies who seem to suffer from the same lazy tendencies that I exhibit. I hear those ladies complain about their slacker husbands. I witness guys catch heat for not doing their fair share. I give those guys the same advice every time:
“Do what you’re told bro”